Why now?

I was writing in my journal about my visit to a Doctor here in Panama.  I will need tests and blood work done in the next year and a half and wanted to have a doctor here to visit.  I had brought all my history with me.  I was writing that this doctor agrees that for the next few years or many years I really won't need to do anything with the Lymphoma.  I had to ask myself why then did I have to find it right before I left on my mission?  Believe me this created such a time of uncertainty, worry, and stress that I really didn't need right then.  I was already experiencing those feelings for other things.

I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for the many tender mercies that He has given me in my life.  It was strange that during this whole time of uncertainty, I truly felt calm.  I felt at peace.  We weren't sure if we were going to be able to come to Panama depending on the diagnosis but I felt at peace.  May I just say that I have had this peace before and the incredible blessing that it can be in a time of trial or hardship is hard to even describe. It is unlike anything else I've ever felt.  It's not something I can make myself feel or talk myself into.  It is a precious gift from a loving Heavenly Father.  This whole experience, right before my mission, has reminded me once again, that God lives.  That He loves me.  That he is aware of my trials, my needs, my desires.  At a time when I should not have felt peace and calmness- I did!

This is the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ that I think I'm supposed to share.  This is the message of hope of love, of peace that we can all feel as we turn our lives to Him.  As we trust Him.  This is the message I can share with those who sometimes feel they may not have hope.  He is there.  He knows you.  He loves you. If you knock he will open the door.

I love the Lord.  I know He Lives. I know He is my Savior.  I'm so grateful for this time I have to serve Him.