I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm grateful.

I'm sad.  We have spent the past year and a half in the country of Panama.  We have served primarily in Santiago and some in Chitre.  We will be leaving next week.  I'm sad, because I will no longer be an official "representative of Jesus Christ".  That has been such a great honor.  I love being a missionary.  I love sharing my testimony, my faith and my commitment.  I will miss being able to do that so much of every day.  We have worked about 10 hours every day as missionaries.  He has given us the health and strength to do so.  I will miss it.

I am sad that I have to say "good bye" or "until we meet again" to people that are very dear to me.  Recently a dear friend shared a scripture that captures part of my feelings.  It is found in 1 Thessalonians 2:8

So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.

We have shared our souls with people I will love forever.  They are so dear to us. I say these words, but in my heart are people- names and faces that represent how much love I feel.

I am happy that I was able to serve this mission with the best companion there could be.  Mark has been a strength in so many ways.  He has served me as I've served as the mission nurse.  He knows and loves the scriptures and has been a great source of inspiration and knowledge.  Mark is the person that has made this possible.  He has always worked hard and saved so that this day could be possible.  Mark is faithful, strong, dedicated and full of missionary spirit.  He has carried many loads here to make mine lighter.  I am so grateful for him.

I'm happy that there are missionaries serving all around the world.  That these young people want to leave their families, friends, and studies to serve their Heavenly Father.

I'm happy their are so many faithful members around the world trying to build the kingdom where they are.  They work against prejudice, poverty, and traditions to draw closer to Heavenly Father and their Savior Jesus Christ.  I am so happy that I have met them and been a small part of their work here in Panama.

I am grateful for the willingness of the people here to open their homes to us.  They welcomed us and let us into their lives.  They let us challenge them.  They trusted us to become a part of their trials and struggles.  They are wonderful.  I am grateful for their love.  I am grateful for them to trust the messages that we brought from a loving Heavenly Father and try to live them.  I'm so grateful for their courage to obey and have hope in the blessings of our loving Heavenly Father.

I'm grateful that the Lord has seen fit to use me in this great work.  He has used my hands to bless, to soothe, to hug, and to lift.  He has used my voice to testify, to teach, to comfort, and to love. He has used my words- even though imperfect in Spanish to tell someone of his love, of his plan for their happiness, to tell of our Savior Jesus Christ.  I pray fervently that I have done well.  I pray that from my meager offering someone's load has been lightened, someone's faith has been strengthened, someone's doubts have been calmed.  I pray I have been a worthy servant.

More than anything else, I am so grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ.  For his love, for his sacrifice, for restoring His church on the earth today.  I'm so grateful for the scriptures which lead me to Him.  Which lead me to my Heavenly Father.  The only path I want to follow leads to Him.